We are born our true selves, the unique, precious person we are meant to be. As infants and young children we do not know this. We need others, specifically our parents, to reflect to us our beauty and goodness. We need them to love and affirm us in a way that, over time, we begin to absorb the message and it becomes our permanent experience, “Yes, I am valued, unconditionally regarded in my uniqueness.”

We all know the depressing statistics of marriage – Roughly half the marriages world wide will end in divorce, and at least half of those couples that remain together describe themselves as not particularly happy or possibly even unhappy. The problem is love, or the lack there of. All too often we hear the statement: “I have fallen out of love” or, “the spark has died”. Considering this gloomy reality about marriage, one naturally asks the question: Is there hope for long lasting love in contemporary marriage? I believe there is, but it is our increased consciousness of ourselves and our commitment to the growth of ourselves and the concomitant growth in our marriage.

Christmas is characteristically a season in which families get together. We travel to distant places to be with family, or excitedly prepare for family coming to visit us. It seems as though inside us there is a strong pull toward family, a deep yearning for a connection to family and all that family might symbolise. This inner desire is mainly motivated by the need for an identity; the need to belong; a desire to be part of a bigger fleet rather than being a lone boat bobbing around on the big ocean. In being part of the extended family, we hope for support and care, both physical and emotional, particularly during the difficult and trying times in our lives.

Sally entered therapy, describing clear symptoms of depression – feelings of hopelessness, exhaustion and general unhappiness. She also alluded to an increased irritability with her family, feelings that triggered emotions of guilt and shame for her. She and her husband Paul have been married for 12 years and they have two young children.